The results are in! This poll is one for the record books: most nominees ever, most categories ever, and most votes ever! This is bad news for the shopping channels since this poll is all about the worst of the worst. But it’s good news for us snarkers! So, without further ado, let’s get to the results.
1. A Host of Unfashionable Hosts, Part 1
There were so many horribly dressed hosts this time around that I had to create two categories to accommodate them all. In Part 1, CoKo notched the win with 29% of the votes. Not only did the blue sequined poncho look like something Dame Edna would put on to relax with tea and scones, pairing it up with baby bell-bottom crop jeans and clunky white sandals was the icing on the scone. And don’t forget the pearls! This mishmash of an outfit was a hot mess, and you can bet CoKo couldn’t wait to rip off that poncho. Trés tacky!
2. Help Me! I’ve Been LOGO-fied!
Can you say clown suit? This matchy-matchy pea green top and pants combo has to be one of the most hideous outfits from Lori’s “collection” in recent memory, and it rightly took the category with 40% of the votes. To add insult to injury, it was styled by someone (maybe an IT tech who had time on his hands) with a hot pink, long, lacy tank underneath. My eyes hurt just looking at it. Jacqui has her game face on, but you know she’s thinking, “I look like a Jacqu-ass.”
3. She’s Baaaack! The Girl Next Door
Did we want her back? Of course not, but she clawed her way back into the studio anyway. Her on-air uniform was generally a tight top (what else is new), jeans and one of her Girl Next Door aprons. But when she decided to gussy up for one of Dennis Basso’s limited edition shows, what did she choose? A green tent dress that was so voluminous, it could’ve adequately covered the entire city of West Chester. And, unfortunately, it made her look the size of West Chester, which is why it took the category in one of the biggest runaways of the poll at 68% of the votes. At least Nutsy didn’t make an appearance…or was he hiding under that tent?
4. Hair-rendous!
Almost every day is a hair-rendous one for the Skunk, who won this category with 40% of the votes. But this particular ‘do was especially awful - choppy, badly teased and with dark roots galore. Aren’t she and her husband partners in a hair salon business? Not a great advertisement for the business, I must say!
5. Models’ Walk of Shame
What a hot mess this winning HSN model is, with 43% of the votes. The jacket is so ill-fitting - she wouldn’t be able to close that jacket if her life depended on it, and the sleeves are too long. Whose idea was it to add giant ruffles to the sleeves? The short skirt with the tall boots? Hell to the no.
6. No More Half-Tuck!
When will this “style” die? Perhaps viewing the nominees in this category will hasten its demise, especially after seeing our winner - Loco Lori’s niece with 42% of the votes. This isn’t just a half-tuck. It looks like she stuffed most of an over-sized artist’s smock into her jeans. Flattering? I think not.
7. The Men
Dimitri of Skinn Cosmetics took this category with 29% of the votes, wearing an explosion of pattern and color. Dimitri looks different every time he’s on HSN. In this version, he looks a bit like a young Julia Child. I almost expect to hear him exclaim, “Bon Appetit!”
8. Things That Will Never Hang in My Closet
Doesn’t everyone want a shirt that looks like a baby pooped on it? Or a car roared by after a rainstorm, splashing mud all over you? This grizzly garment won the category with 22% of the votes. And, no surprise - it’s LOGO!
9. Shawnie Sue, Style Maven
She’s just so mad cool, doncha know. She can take a shirt dress, throw it on over a pair of jeans (size 2, of course), wrap a multi-colored sweater over her shoulders, and create an air of…je ne sais quoi. The je ne sais quoi, in this case, means “the worst” with 44% of the votes. By the way, did she raid Carolyn’s closet for those metallic sneakers?
10. Camel Toe and Other Crotch Mishaps
What can I say about the winning nominee (53% of the votes) in this category? “Oh dear,” “Ouch,” “Anatomical,” and “Leaves nothing to the imagination” are words that come to mind. She gets a bonus membership in the Too Tight Club.
11. The Too Tight Club
And speaking of the Too Tight Club, former Denim & Co OAP Tess easily took this category with 50% of the votes. I could’ve done a whole Tess category, but this pic perfectly captured her fondness for tight clothes. We, however, weren’t fond of seeing her squeezed into leather. Can leather spontaneously explode?
12. Blabberina!
Oh, Hun-nay - all the tugging in the world isn’t going to close that pink blazer! In a sea of unflattering outfits, this one made the Blab look the worst, and it was a runaway in the category with 58% of the votes. We didn’t think anything could be worse than the peplum jacket…until we saw this dreadful outfit.
13. Ditch the Half & Half Clothes and Cold Shoulders!
More fads we wish would go away - although cold shoulders have mostly gone away everywhere except QVC, the land that time forgot. And has anyone seen half & half clothes anywhere except the shopping channels? Anyone? Anywhere? So the Nina Leonard rep, who seems like a very nice lady, generally wears some of the most ill-fitting (translation: tight) outfits I’ve ever seen. The good news is that this winning dress (48% of the votes) isn’t tight. The bad news? Cold shoulders. Pulling the bottom part of the dress outward didn’t help the look, unless she was planning on going airborne.
14. Breezies Babes Gone Wild!
The youngest Gendel girl grabbed the win in this category with another runaway (50% of the votes). The outfit is all wrong - an ill-fitting sweater dress with a slit up the side that looks more like a giant tear, metallic sandals, and a little peek of her white panties. What a tease - there’s nothing sexier than long-line granny panties!
15. Wiggin’ Out with Mary Beth
Poor Mary Beth always gets stuck with the wig shows. But I’ll give her props for always being game to try them all on (unlike some hosts). In retrospect, she probably should’ve passed on most of these wigs. In a hilarious collection of nominees, one stood out with 77% of the votes - the biggest runaway in the poll. A brunette MB looked more than slightly disheveled, like she rolled into work after a night of binge drinking. Her weary expression has a whiff of regret about the night before. Maybe Toni Brattin should rename this wig “The Hangover.”
16. The Cold Plunge Queen
Isaac’s been designing some garish pieces lately: a long tunic blouse with gigantic flowers plastered down the front, a striped dress in colors that mimic a TV test pattern, and this plaid blazer and shorts. I like plaid when it’s subtle. There’s plaid, and then there’s in-your-face PLAID. This set is PLAID and screams “LOOK AT ME!” The perfect outfit for the attention ho wearing it. With the chunky sandals and her chunky legs, it all adds up to the winning look with 45% of the votes.
17. Unpresentable Presenters
In the closest race in the poll, Dotty Graver edged out the Nina Leonard rep 24% to 22% to take this category. This sack (okay, we’ll be kind and call it a dress) would do Mrs Roper proud. We complain about the tight clothes everyone wears on the shopping channels, but Susan could afford to size DOWN here - the dress looks huge…and shapeless. I’ll bet women aren’t “begging” her for more of these, like they beg for Liquid Knit.
18. A Host of Unfashionable Hosts, Part 2
Here it is again - the clown suit! If you thought it looked bad on Jacqui and couldn’t look any worse, you thought wrong. The color change to navy didn’t help poor Terri, and another long, lacy tank top - this time in white - looked just as awful under the jacket as the hot pink one. Bozo or Krusty the Clown would look right at home in this outfit. Is it any wonder Terri won this category with 45% of the votes?
And so, another fashion poll comes to a close! Thanks to all who participated - your interest in and support of these polls are so greatly appreciated! My Fashion Poll photo file is open and ready to capture another six months of horrid fashion!
